19 January 2012

Nights Like This

It's nights like this when I look in the mirror and think motherhood has ruined me. I used an angry voice to propel them toward their bedtime routine tonight. I'm tired. They're super tired {but they don't look it}. I look worn and depressed and ancient and kind-of mean. Not the ideal mom I had in mind when I would watch my newborn baby sleeping and think about our future together.

Man, it certainly gets harder.

Maybe if I had hand signals, that would smooth things out {if they would look at me}. One finger pointed left means go get your pajamas on and brush teeth. Two fingers in a peace sign pointed down means stop doing whatever it is you are doing that is making your brother cry. Ya, no, it ain't gonna work.

What they really need is sleep.

Back to that bedtime routine...

My biggest gripes, not in any particular order:
  • They forget {despite my constant nagging} to drink water throughout the day and want to drink right before bed. You can imagine the implications.
  • They don't seem to see the importance of eating enough at meal times {and have become pickier eaters}, so they wake up hungry very early in the morning.
  • As they get more and more tired they get considerably more hyper and considerably less cooperative and just all around silly. Hard to put to bed.
Aaaaah well. They really are good kids. But every mom of kids this age has a tough day once in a while about every other day.

I shamelessly asked for a complement this afternoon and Peter replied, "You're a really great wife".
Thanks dude, but I'm not sure you get to decide that. ;p
I hope they remember the fun we've had and not the super difficult bedtime routines. I hope they remember the songs I've sung to them and the prayers we've prayed and not the counting down and swats I've had to administer. I hope they remember the love more than the discipline. But I hope the discipline trains them up to be respectful and attentive.

It's a hard job -- being a mother. Tomorrow I'm gonna look in the mirror and look for all the other things I've become -- wiser, stronger, more grateful, more aware, content, courageous, empathetic. I owe my family for all that. And more.