28 March 2012

{reallife} Life's Deepest Ponderings

I made twelve drums on Monday and Tuesday. Twenty-two beanbags today. Next will be a quadruple recipe of brown play dough. Fixings for an Africa theme in Cradle Roll {2/3 year old class at church}. Excited to have an artsy friend volunteer to help with some mural type drawings. And hoping to make an African hut out of cardboard and a grass skirt.

Been busy doin'. Well -- except for all the times we're called out to the green-space for hours upon hours of of limitless creative play in nature. Freeze tag in the grass. Building rivers and bridges and waterfalls around the trees. Making gliders out of sticks and leaves. Riding bikes. Every kid's dream.

I surrendered to the un-productiveness of it all yesterday and {after taking some photos} lay on my back in the grass, light raindrops falling on my face. I let myself feel everything, smell everything, hear all the sounds.
Nature is good medicine.
I heard good words on the radio this morning, coming back from Jazzercise. Something about {wish I had the exact words} working too hard to get those feelings of worth...trying to do all kinds of things in order to be deserving, in order to be loved.

Talkin' to me?


Yep -- I'm that try-hard girl. Always doing a better or a best, hoping I'll be good enough. Hoping someone will say I'm doing a really really really good job. At it all.

And yet Jesus says,
“I have loved you with an everlasting love..." Jeremiah 31:3
For we know, brothers and sisters loved by God, that he has chosen you." 1 Thessalonians 1:4"
I don't want to live my life as an audition. I've already got the part.

How can I let it go? How can I bask in the salvation and chosenness already given me?
I really need to get Emily's book.

Life's deepest ponderings.

While the boys are sending electricity through pieces of fruit. And totally enamored by it.
And so we make beanbags. And silly faces.





----
~thousands of gifts~

fake hiccups and laughter
his hands that are too "tired from being outside"
laying flat on the grass, feeling raindrops on my face
his so many favorite things -- he lists them all before bed
salty crackers following too-sweet ice cream
beanbag tossing
creative friends
whipped coconut cream
{353-360}