24 February 2013

{dear you}


I write such great blog posts in the shower. It's the only place quiet enough for me to get intimate with my thoughts and form complete, logical sentences. Seriously, you guys, I need a waterproof keyboard.

So this post is me, sitting out here in my chair {fully dressed} trying to remember my warm-water-induced logic. Wish me luck.

Photography
We went up to the snow again today, this time with our cross country skis {and snowshoes for the littlest one}. I geared everyone up, grabbed my camera and started snapping some pictures. Then, as we started moving away from the car, I realized I really truly didn't want to take it with me. I have a thousand pictures of these boys in the snow, my right hand gets cold without its glove and I want to SKI. Which might include falling over into the FEET of powder and lodging snow all over inside my poor camera. So I asked Tim to unlock the car and put it safely away.

It was a really hard choice.

And it leaves me wondering what to do -- because part of me love love loves capturing our fun adventurous memories and want to actually travel the world to take photographs and the other part of me wants to really truly adventure -- getting wet, smashed against rocks, banged up and bruised {well, maybe not to that degree, but you get the idea, right?}. I just don't want to have to worry about my camera getting ruined or trying to get that perfect shot instead of enjoying the adrenaline of the activity. Oh dear. What to do.

My only brain wave {in the shower} was to get some really great shots of us doing the fun stuff not too far from the car, then return the camera to its safe place and go be wild and crazy. But that only works in some situations. Other times -- take the waterproof, dust-proof, bang-proof camera that takes sorta-good photos and be satisfied. OK. Still working on other possible solutions. :)

Guilt
I have a problem with guilt. Oh my do I ever. It's closely related to negative self-talk. And it is generally debilitating and just plain annoying. But it's so deeply ingrained within me -- it's going to take some hard work to get out. Tim says he'll tell me if I should REALLY be feeling guilty...all the other times, stop!

It gets really hard to enjoy the present moment when I'm feeling guilty about all sorts of other things. I need to stop that. 

Finishing Things
I finished reading three books today while we drove to the snow. I may have skimmed through some of them {man, why can't some books be written with bullet points on about half as many pages?} but nevertheless it feels SO good to finish them. In the shower, I realized that I like finishing things because it means I can start something new. I really like starting new things. But something inside me won't let me until the old is finished.

And that's about when my shower ended {mostly out of guilt and partly because I knew my rememberer couldn't store many more amazing realizations}. I'll take another one soon.

Three Things Mothers Cannot Do Without
Hot Showers.
Chocolate.
Freedom from guilt.